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Are you familiar with Rule 34? If you're an Internet person, you immediately know what it means. If not, you've likely been victimized by it. Rule 34 is a fake yet surprisingly reliable "rule" of the Internet which states that if something exists, there is porn of it. And by something, we mean anything. Literally anything you may have seen or heard of before. Nazis, Golden Grahams, Care Bears, amputee hillbillies, the Koch brothers, whatever. There's porn. Lots of people assume that Rule 34 is tongue in cheek, a bit of Internet culture hyperbole as a reaction to the abundance of curious porn that does exist. I argue that it is not. It is terrifyingly real. I have traveled down the rabbit hole and through the mouth of madness. I solved the puzzle box. I Googled the unGoogleable. And now, with the help of Photoshop censorship, I will share with you the awful truth of Rule 34. Get some popcorn!

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